


A Not-So-Easy Pregnancy

by AmandaG96



Series: A Not-So-Easy Pregnancy [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: Discovery, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Broken Bones, Cravings, Eating Disorders, F/M, Finger Embrace, Hospitals, Hyperemisis Gravidarium, Logic Extremists, Love, New Clothes, Nightmares, Pregnancy, Support, Terrorists, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vomiting, Weight Gain, assassination attempt, baby kicks, one shots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaG96/pseuds/AmandaG96
Summary: Hyperemisis Gravadarium, Broken ribs, Weight Gain, Erratic Mood Swings, Intense Cravings, an Assassination Attempt, and Nightmares.Here are some one-shots of Amanda's not-so-easy pregnancy with Spock.
Relationships: Amanda Grayson/Sarek
Series: A Not-So-Easy Pregnancy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887772
Kudos: 26





	1. Hyperemesis Gravidarium

A month after our wedding ceremony on Vulcan, I began to feel ill. We were just starting to settle into our new home on the outskirts of Shi'Kahr when the nausea and vomiting suddenly hit. I couldn't sit in a council meeting for more than 20 minutes without running to the bathroom and due to the extreme weather conditions, I soon became bed bound from extreme dehydration. After the second day, Sarek insisted we go to the hospital, while I denied, I was happy when he didn't listen to me as I don't remember being carried into the hospital. I do remember, however, waking up and getting the shock of a lifetime. The doctor was slightly blurry in my vision, but I could make out her long brown curly hair and her tan complexion.

"Mrs. Sarek," She really was not good at hiding fear, I could tell she was a new doctor. "It seems that you have both Vulcan and Human pregnancy hormones in your blood"

While I was in and out of sleep, I got a clear view of the color draining from to my Vulcan husband's face, he quickly sat down in the chair beside me as the doctor explained that upon triple checking the blood work herself that I was indeed pregnant.

"The hybrid specialist will come in, but only if you should agree to continue with the pregnancy."

I watched her eye glare over from me to my husband, apparently waiting for him to answer. He looked at me, a tinge concern in his eyes, before turning to the doctor saying,

"My opinion is of no significance, for it is not I who is carrying the child".

And so, it was all up to me. My strength was all but gone, and the thought of speaking made my body ache. So, I just laid there and thought as all eyes were suddenly on me. The mental wall keeping my thoughts my own was all but diminished, knowing he could hear me I let myself think freely, and yes logically. It's not up to me, Sarek. It's up to us. You are the father, and after all I didn't get myself pregnant. You did warn me, we married as you were entering Pon Farr, and you did explain the chances of conceiving were significantly higher… but I did further research and biologically it should have been impossible for me to conceive. Our DNA is vastly different.

Feeling annoyed at all the eyes on me, I drew in a deep and painful breath. My chest and ribs ached from all the vomiting.

"Moment… alone…with husband…please." Was all I could managed.

As the room cleared, I caressed his hand and talked through our bond while he responded with words. We listed all the pro's and con's about continuing this pregnancy with Sarek noting that his only concern was my health. After an hour of talk, we decided that the best thing to do was to continue the pregnancy noting that since this was also a half human pregnancy that the horrid sickness could pass within the first trimester. We agreed that with all the medical advances that we should at least try and give the child a chance to survive. However, something else still had to be said, I fought myself to say the next words as they were too important not to be said out loud and I wanted to make sure that he understood.

"If anything, is to happen… promise… you do…what you think… is best. Logically. You choose… whether … to save…me or baby."

He was silent for a while, and just as I opened my mouth to speak his words stopped me.

"Your life is more important to me".

Upon our decision the hybrid specialist came in and explained to us the logistics of the pregnancy. Problem was, this was the first Vulcan-Human pregnancy and there really were no logistics, only educated guesses. The only useful thing that she was able to tell us is that with luck, since this is a half human pregnancy, the Hyperemesis Gravidarium would diminish by the beginning of the second trimester. She explained some things about Vulcan pregnancy's, one point being that due to Vulcan's having superior physical strength than humans, once the child starts to become active in utero, ribs would most likely be broken. I stopped listening after the part about needing painful daily injections, hearing something about an overdose of copper in the child's blood leading to a slow and painful death for me made me thankful I was laying down in a hospital bed.

After a couple of days, I was released from the hospital and although I wasn't feeling a hundred percent back to normal, I suppose fifty percent with mild nausea was better than being bed bound and vomiting every five minutes. I was sent home with anti-nausea medicine and IV fluids and unfortunately, I was not allowed to attend work until the Hyperemesis was gone.

I was laying on the cold marble floor of our bathroom on the third day home, I didn't know what time it was, I only knew that laying on the floor was the only way to alleviate the nausea. Sarek cologne alerted me of his presence, I opened my eyes and turned my head to see him staring at me in the doorway with his best diplomatic robes on, which told me that A) it was the morning and B) that he had an important meeting today.

"I'll miss… you" were all I could manage before drifting back into sleep. I felt his hand on my shoulder and the sound of him sliding down to the floor beside me. I woke up to his speaking, I don't know who he was talking to, but all I heard was:

"Please alert Ambassador Savek, tell him that I am unable to attend the meeting due to my wife's current condition. Tell him that the meeting will have to once again be rescheduled until further notice".

Hearing everything but unable to respond, I simply groaned. I wanted him to go, I wanted him to leave me, he needed to go to work, to be away from all of this. I felt like a burden, nothing but a burden. He placed his hand on my shoulder and said simply

"Your thoughts are illogical, Amanda."

Throughout the morning, I would sometimes feel his hand move to my chest just to feel it rise and all. I woke up hours later to find the worse of the nausea gone. Upon being carried out to the sofa, the servants tried their best to make simple bland meals throughout the day, but upon one sniff of the ginger biscuit, I would vomit. He sat beside me on the sofa occasionally leaving to attend to pending work only to return upon another fit of vomiting.

It only seemed during the night that I would get enough relief from the nausea to finally eat and Sarek would watch with a mixture of disgust and relief as I scarfed down a beef and onion pie. We sit on the sofa, late at night, as I shove the pieces of beef and onion into my mouth.

"Oh my god" I said with a full mouth "Food"

While he looked disgusted at the sight of me consuming meat, it was overshadowed by the look of relief in his eyes. "I express my deepest solace that you are able to finally seek nourishment".

I swallowed before taking another mouthful "I con-fucking-cur"


	2. Cat and Mouse

The doctor's considered it lucky that the sickness had subsided after 17 weeks, but after losing 30 lbs or 13 kg I was still weak and lethargic. The weight was put back on quite quickly as my husband and the servants brought my meals about four times a day. Life was finally starting to return to normal, but I was still not cleared by the doctor to return to work, and I was quickly going mad just sitting around doing nothing. 

So, I spent most of my time looking over my husband's documents, making sure that they were perfect upon return to the council. I must admit it made me feel like his personal assistant again, but this time it was voluntary, and I didn't spent weeks trying to bribe my boss to get me out of it. Speaking of my husband, he was playing catch up this past month and was gone often attending to postponed meetings. I was usually asleep upon his return home at night and would often wake to a shift in the bed and a simple kiss on the head.

This morning, he had already gone to council when I woke up. Too uncomfortable to go back to sleep, I sat at his desk attending to the latest document. My hair was a mess and I wore nothing but my white cotton nightgown, even with the air conditioning on 17C it still felt like an oven in this house. I held up the document and started to read it out loud in attempts to keep my own dyslexia in check. About halfway through, I stopped and sighed in frustration.

"Jesus, this topic is so stupid" I said to myself, "Seriously when in the world would this be relevant? There is no need for-"

I started to feel the familiar flutters in my stomach. It was like butterflies; you know when your nervous, but this time they were stronger and felt… different? I placed my hand on my growing bump right where the strongest flutter was and pressed in gently seeing if I could feel anything and after a moment something small pressed up against my hand.

"This is wired" I whispered, "I didn't think babies started kicking until-"

While small and very light, I felt a hand or a foot press against my hand. Thinking I was going crazy, I started to press on different parts of my belly, and to my surprise the baby pressed back and soon we played a friendly game of cat and mouse. Tears of happiness ran down my cheeks as the child kicked and I swear even started to flip within me, but it didn't feel like actual flips more like very very strong butterflies, that somehow moved. I soon realized as I played this game with my unborn child that there's no way this child could be a girl. Besides, a girl couldn't possibly kick like this. With each move, I felt the love, magic, and protection surge through my body and for the first time, I started to talk to my small bump.

"Well hello there, little one" I whispered, caressing the middle of my belly. "It's good to feel that you are having a fun time in there, and that you like playing games like mommy".

That was the first time I felt him kick.


	3. Lion and the Mouse

"Amanda, can you please elaborate as to why you wish for me to touch your abdomen?"

We sit on the sofa in the early evening, my head rested on his shoulder and my hand on his knee just above his. He hadn't touched my belly in these seven months, and whenever I suggested it, he would simply look up from his work, stare at me for a moment, and then go back to his business. I decided that with the kicks becoming more stronger that he needed to do it at least once, for me. I had this image in my head of him curled up to my belly his hands roaming around as the child kicked within, and after months of trying to make it come true, I decided that tonight would be the night and there was no way I would let him get out of it this time. He seemed to be the most active whenever Sarek was around and kicked whenever he spoke. This time was no exception and upon hearing his voice, the child seemed to jolt awake and became active.

"Are you scared to feel my stomach?" I asked looking up at him. He looked rather confused at my question, and commented with

"There is no reason to be afraid of your abdomen. In fact, I am of the opinion that there is no logical reason to touch your abdomen".

I was indeed nervous, if he said no like before I felt like I would certainly burst out in tears. My emotions were so wild and unpredictable lately that while I felt like I would fore sure cry, I somehow sensed I might want to throw the nearby mug at his head if he were to deny. Scared of myself at this point, I proceeded with caution. My voice soft and gentle as I swallowed my fears and the determination started to fill me, he was going to feel his baby move in me at least once. The child continued to move in response to its father's voice.

"He is kicking, my love. And I want you to feel him kick, at least once."

"You are still convinced that the child you carry is male"

"Yes, because he is. And he is your child as well, may I remind you that I did not get myself pregnant"

I suddenly found myself annoyed with his speech and words, 'the child I carry'. 'The child'. Why not 'our child' for once. I continued, trying to keep my voice at a reasonable level.

"Don't be scared, Sarek. I promise you he won't bite".

But he just sat there and looked at me, like before. Feeling the tears well in my eyes, I took his hand that was under mine and held it up, upon gently straightening out his fingers I laid his hand on my swollen belly, right above my belly button where the child laid, but just as I placed his hand on my belly, the baby stopped moving. For a moment, I just caressed my husband's hand and admired his long, soft fingers and the calluses on his knuckles. I know they look intimidating, and powerful, but they were the gentlest hands I had ever known. There was a moment of awkward silence before I said,

"He stopped moving because you are not talking. He always moves when you speak, perhaps you can say something"

He looked at me as if I had gone completely mad. His eyebrows shaped into an expression I had not seen before and he did look rather uncomfortable having his hand on my belly. If looks could speak, I thought for sure he was about to condemn me to a phyc. ward.

"I promise" I added, "He likes the sound of your voice. Please say something and he will kick"

"Amanda, I do not see how this would-"

A strong kick pressed up against his hand causing me to groan in pain, I felt a hand or a foot graze one of my healing ribs. I was reminded daily at how superior Vulcan's are to Humans and just as I think I am growing use to the strong kicks, the next week rolls around and I once again blind-sided by more powerful movements. He kicked against his father's hand and even started to do some flips to show off. They no longer felt like butterflies moving around and sometimes I could even make out the body part that kicked me. After a moment, Sarek placed his other hand along the side of my belly and felt the child move about. He started to relax, and I couldn't help but watch his hands move about my belly with curiosity.

"He must be practicing gymnastics" I joked, as I rested my hands above his.

When I looked up, the look on my husband's face was one I had never seen before. His eyes were gentle, kind, soft, and warm as his hands glided around my belly as the child kicked and moved. There was something different in his demeanor and face. It was almost… relaxed? No, that's not the word. It was almost… sweet. I watched them play a game of cat and mouse, the one I often played with the child, but my husband was no cat, for he was indeed the Lion. Whenever Sarek would move his hand to one part of my belly, the child would kick, he would then move to the other side of my belly and within moments the child would press against his hand there. Seeing my husband play with the child was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

"You know, if you press your ear against my belly. You can hear the heartbeat".

"Would it please you if I do what you suggest?"

"Yes, it would. And I think it would please our son"

There was some hesitation, but after some adjustments his he placed his head on my lap and pressed his ear gently against my belly. My hand reached up and I ran my fingers through his soft jet-black hair. As I lingered in the silence, I found myself thinking of my husband speaking the child inside, I found the image quite funny and amusing for it would certainly be something he would never do. Then again, I did think he would never touch my belly before today. The image ran through my head and unbeknownst to me through our bond. Silent words he woke to my belly as I caress his jet-black hair through my fingers…

"Greetings, child" my husband's voice broke me from my thought, I somehow sensed this not going how I pictured it in my head. "Your mother wishes that I speak to you." He glanced up at me before turning his attention awkwardly back to my stomach "My name is S'chn T'gai Sarek, I am your father. The woman who is providing you lodging in her body is your mother, her name is Amanda Stemple Grayson. I am 65 human years, and your mother is 24 human years old."

My hand brushed against my eyes as I fought myself not to let out a loud uncontrollable laugh. Formally taking to our unborn child was freaking hilarious, but it was so gosh darn cute. As bits of the laugh began to unwillingly escape, I was quickly blindsided by a strong kick to the ribs, and one of the healing ones too.

"Ah!"

Sarek's voice was stern, but oddly calming. "The women who is providing you lodging is human and it is understood that humans are not as strong physically as Vulcans. I regret to inform you have that you have already broken two of your mother's ribs and have dislocated one"

The child's foot moved up and nuzzled under one of my ribs, it was becoming painfully hard to breathe and I began to move around uncomfortably trying to find a comfortable position.

"Don't…remind…him" I groaned through clenched teeth.

As I moved about, Sarek placed his hands back on my stomach and a jolt of calm shot through my body and slowly the pain started to die down and the child removed his foot from my ribs. What was that? Should I even ask? I turned to him,

"Did you just mind meld with our unborn child?" I asked.

But he remained silent, instead he turned around looking around the room for any gawking servants and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, I laid my head on his shoulder and just relished in the silence... and the comfort. In the mist of that silence a light sound was heard. Although, I barley heard it with my human ears, I could feel it in my belly. The small little pulses. I watched my belly move with each pulse and smiled as I looked up at my husband, even though it was barley heard through my human ears, to his, it was as if he were standing next to a waterfall.

"The child appears to be suffering from a synchronous diaphragmatic flutter".

I reached my hand up and caressed his cheek gently "Yes, that is normal." Deciding to reminisce for a moment, I reverted to two and a half years prior upon our first meeting "And in casual speech, if I may offer a suggestion Mr. Ambassador, one would say; he has the hiccups".

That was the first time he felt him move


	4. The Assassination Attempt

Yes, yes, I know. I should be concentrated on the matter at hand during this midday council meeting but with the temperature in this room intensifying by the minute, I only thought about why I thought it was a good idea to continue working well into my seventh month of pregnancy. Oh, yeah - that's right, I was going mad at home! Boy, I was seriously starting to reconsider my choice. The council chamber was a large oval and, in the middle, stood a Vulcan Elder who spoke about a series of attacks that had been carried out by logic extremists in the Capital over the past couple of days. I looked at my husband who was sitting beside me in his best Vulcan robes, his hands rested intertwined in his lap as he listened to the details of the horrible attacks while I tried not to picture any of the mentioned events. Seriously, what was the point of explaining every detail? Where is the 'logic' in that? The Elder finally cautioned against any Ambassador or Member of the Council leaving their homes or workplaces unaided and explains that with immediate effect everyone shall be accompanied by a bodyguard. Everyone turned to the side of the room as a large group of young Vulcan males dressed in black jumpsuits came into the room. While they stood perfectly straight with their hands clasped in the front of them, I couldn't help but let out a laugh, because upon first glance they really did not seem particularly dangerous. They resembled cute little boys to me, roughly 17 or 18 years old and their Vulcan hair styles didn't help age them either. However, upon further explanation, they were far from cute little boys and were apparently trained at something like a very elite martial arts centre. In other words, they can take out a person with any part of their body in a matter of seconds. My smile quickly faded as I realized just how much of a threat these seemingly innocent boys were.

Do we really need bodyguards? I asked Sarek through our bond.

It is wise not to question the words of the Elders, Amanda.

Yes, I suppose.

As the meeting continued onto matters of a more political nature, I inhaled deeply as a wave of nausea and warmth suddenly hit. While the morning sickness had all but gone, however I still had periods of nausea – but thankfully I was no longer vomiting. Unfortunately, it seemed that I might be wrong this time as I soon began to salivate. While the Elder continued to talk, I stood up and rushed out of the room with my hand over my mouth. Instead of going to the bathroom, I found myself pushing open the main door and sighing in relief as the cool air hit my face. While it was certainly the hottest time of the day, I was thankful that it was at least at a normal temperature by human standards and not 45°C. I tugged at my scarf that covered my head, chest and neck and while I wanted to rip it off, I fought myself from doing so. Stupid modesty laws. Finding a large white pillar in the shade, I leaned against it resting my head on the cold marble in an attempt to cool myself down while I took several slow deep breaths. Thankfully, the council was in a rather secluded space and I had never been more grateful to be alone. I caressed my belly as he started to move, but his movements only made the nausea worse. "Not now, little one" I whispered in an almost sing song way,

"No nausea. No. Not Now."

"Lady Amanda" an even pitched voice called, surprised I jumped and quickly turned around to see one of the young Vulcan men in a black jumpsuit in front of me. I couldn't help but look at him in awe, he really looked quite young, roughly 17 maybe 18 at most. He was tall, quite possibly Sarek's height and while his features were long and grown his face still resembled a young boy with his blonde bowl-shaped haircut and baby shaped face. I couldn't help but wonder why would he pick such a dangerous job as this? His poor mother…

"Forgive me," he continued, his face softened slightly from his stoic, stern demeanour. "It is not my intention to startle you, I have been merely sent here to ensure your safety."

"I see." Feeling my heart beat a million times a minute I simply nodded and turned back around, placing my head back on the marble pillar as I fought myself to not vomit. I continued to breathe while looking out of my peripheral vision, where the young Vulcan looking around the area. After a moment, the nausea finally subsided. I stood up and turned to face him,

"I'm sorry."

He stood with his hands clasped in front, "I do not understand why you apologize when you have not caused any bodily harm."

Most Vulcans would simply disregard my apology; however, I was rather surprised when he commented. Perhaps he was interested in human emotions, I managed a small smile saying,

"I apologize because I feel sick and it is rather embarrassing to run out of an official meeting. With everyone looking at me and…" I looked down at my swollen belly, "…my condition hasn't exactly gone unnoticed. Many people in the council don't like…that I'm pregnant so…" Where was I going with this? I was quickly losing my train of thought, and with a sigh I simply ended with "It's just embarrassing. So, that's why I apologized."

"Lady Amanda, there is no logical reason to apologize. It is my understanding that in your present condition it is normal for you to experience severe gastrointestinal discomfort ".

"Indeed" I took a deep breath, "I hope you don't think me forward, but if I may say you look very young"

"I caution you not to worry, Lady Amanda. In standard human years I am 18, which is the primal age of your species, correct?"

"Indeed, it is." I responded.

His eyes moved suddenly to above my head. I watched the alarm grow in his eyes; I had never seen anything like that before in a Vulcan. I turned around and saw a young Vulcan female approach us. With her black Vulcan robes opened she hid a hand phaser along the side of her robes. She quickly removed it from her robes and pointed it at me. Before I could even respond, I felt arms wrapped around me and pulled me to the ground using his body to break my fall as the sound of the trigger clicked. He quickly scrambled to his feet and kicked the phaser out of her hands, I watched it slide over to me and upon grabbing it I found my footing. I held it in my hands for a moment and couldn't help but panic as I had no idea how to use it. It couldn't be any more different than one of those old-fashioned guns back on Earth, could it? Memories ran through my head of going camping with my father, he would bring an old-fashioned gun in case of emergencies. I remember my mother telling him that a phaser would be easier and quicker, but my father insisted that an old gun would be just fine and would cause more damage anyway. One time, I watched him use it. His finger wrapped around the trigger and fired at the unknown object. The groans of the two in combat broke me from my thoughts. I pointed the phaser at the woman and prepared to fire but they were moving so fast I couldn't get a clear shot. Out of the corner of my vision, I saw Sarek and other council members running down the long corridor. The fear surged through my body as I saw the women wrapped her arms around the boy's neck and prepared to snap it. Her head was mere inches away from his, I had to do it, it wasn't a good shot but… aiming for her head I pulled the trigger hard and watched her body flew against the wall. I continued to hold the trigger long and hard and watched her body shake against the laser. I finally released the trigger and watched her lifeless body fall to the ground. Sarek suddenly rushed over to me and quickly took the phaser from my hands. I felt the tears run down my cheeks as I stared at her lifeless and almost obliterated body on the ground.

My attention quickly turned to the young man who laid lifeless on the ground. I ran over to him and dropped to my knees. His eyes were open as I wrapped my hands around his cheeks. His eyes were cold and lifeless.

"Please wake up!" I cried,

And suddenly it dawned on me as I tried to shake him awake, as I begged him to wake up, that the blast not only hit the assassin, but him too. My emotions overtook my body, he was so young, he was only a child and I... this was my fault.

"Please wake up!" I cried once more and was suddenly pulled off him by Sarek. As I was pulled away more members crowded around the scene and soon the boy was no longer in my sight. I was quickly ushered into a car with Sarek and as we drove away from the council, his grabbed my cheeks with his hands and pulled me close to him. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm.

An overwhelming sense of calm filled me and then suddenly I fell asleep.


	5. Sleepless Nights

The physicians said, as I was beginning my sixth month of pregnancy, that I would have a 'harder time than Vulcan women' when the development of the child's emotional portion of the brain began to reach it's crucial stage. Normally, Vulcan women can repress the sporadic emotions that comes with the emotional development, but as a human, it was said I would struggle.

And struggle I did. If I wasn't crying one moment, I was angry the next, and if I wasn't angry the next, I was terrified. With no means to control the sporadic emotions, I was forced to endure them. The mood swings weren't normally bad, and usually I could control them with several deep breaths but one night… they suddenly got worse.

12:00AM … 1:00AM …. 2:00AM. I watch the hours pass from my side of the bed. Sarek slept comfortably beside me, while I tossed and turned every couple of minutes trying to find a comfortable position that would accommodate my growing belly.

I hadn't slept well since month six, and now well into my seventh month I was only managing two hours of sleep a night whilst on the verge of tears due to exhaustion. I turned onto my back caressing my big belly as the child's movements began to cause pain. He was strong, too strong. I feared with each movement felt that he would break another rib or bruise another organ.

"Come on, little one" I coaxed softly. "Mummy really needs some sleep".

Orange had begun to peak through the curtains and with each soft snore that bounced off the walls from Sarek, I grew more and more irritated. Irritation that turned to anger. Irrational anger. Within minutes the irrational anger caused my blood to simmer, and the mere thought of being near him made my blood boil. I tossed the covers over my waist with a huff and got out of bed, wrapping my robe around my swollen body.

I sighed closing my eyes and began to caress the forming knots in my neck while taking small control breaths to suppress the building anger. In, and out 'Manda. I told myself In, and out. This will pass. I heard the bed sheets rustle.

"Are you well?" Sarek asked. His voice, just his voice made the anger worse. I was envious, jealous. He could sleep. I couldn't. He was comfortable, I wasn't. He was well rested… I WASN'T! I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Breathe, Manda. I reminded myself It's not his fault.

"Yes, I just can't sleep." I finally managed, "As usual." I added under my breath, "Just go back to sleep, Sarek".

I felt him poking at my consciousness to reach my emotions. I sighed in frustration and slammed the mental wall down, shutting my emotions off to him as hard as I could.

"You are angry?" He asked, sitting up in bed.

"I'm fine." I reassured, my fingers digging into the side of my neck. The anger was boiling, and it was becoming unbearable. "Just… the emotions." I drew in another deep breath, "just go back to sleep" I ordered bitterly before putting on my slippers and walking out of the room.

I waddled my way down the hallway and to the kitchen, beginning to pace the length of the counter whilst taking several deeper breaths and running my fingers through my tangled hair. I slammed my fist down against the counter. Once. Twice. And then another trying anything to get rid of this anger. My heart rate began to quicken, and my palms started to sweat.

As the minutes passed it was becoming stronger than it had ever been. With a huff, I kicked the cupboard. Once. Twice. And then again. I gripped the edge of the counter and struggled to slow my rapid heart rate. Why wouldn't this go away? It always used to by this point.

"Shit!" I kicked the counter once more. "Shit! Shit! Shit!"

My vision became a blur, and before I knew it, I was angrily opening the cupboards finding some of my old plates. Taking one out, I turned around and threw it aggressively towards the wall, watching it shatter into a million pieces.

I felt my anger slowly start to go away. I sighed in relief, took another dish out of the cupboard and threw it with all my might towards the wall, cursing every word I could think of. I could feel the blood rushing to my face.

I grabbed a third plate but before I could throw it, Sarek's hand wrapped around my wrist. A wave of calm came over me, but it was useless against the anger. He took the plate from my hand and asked,

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get the anger out." I explained through clenched teeth, "Now give me the plate back!" I reached to grab the plate, but he moved his hand back quickly.

"It is illogical to resort to the breaking of kitchen utensils in order to repress-"

"Well it was working before you showed up!" I snapped loudly. I took the plate from his hand and threw it angrily against the wall.

The anger was suddenly replaced with tears that quickly filled my eyes. A huge wave of sadness overtook me, and tears began to run down my cheeks. I couldn't stop the tears, and I couldn't control them, and the feeling Sarek's gawking eye made me cry even more.

After two minutes of uncontrollable sobbing I looked up at him,

"Have I… Have I gone mad?" I asked, through tears. "W... wh ... why can't...I stop…cr... crying?!"

Without saying a word, he held his forefinger up, and after wiping my face with the sleeve of my nightgown I accepted. We stood there for what seemed like an eternity as I tried to use the calm, and love he sent through our bond to calm myself…but, the emotions were far to strong and the tears kept falling.

I felt my eyes become heavier and heavier and my head began to hurt. I was tired. I was exhausted. I was emotional, and I just wanted to sleep.

I felt his arms slowly wrap around me and before I knew it, we were sitting on the kitchen floor with my face buried in his chest, crying and periodically cursing when periods of anger would spur in the midst of the sadness. I moved myself closer to him and snuggling against his body,

"I'm sorry." I sniffed through tears, "I'm so sorry."

"There is no need for you to apologise, Amanda. It is understood that even Vulcan women have a difficult time controlling their emotions when the child reaches this crucial age of development."

Surely that was no excuse. He didn't deserve this. Any of this. He didn't deserve to wake up to an angry, emotional wife who couldn't control these emotions. A Vulcan would have been better. I drew in a deep breath as the thought of him leaving me for a stable Vulcan woman crossed my mind, which in turn caused more tears to form in my eyes and the burning lump in my throat to return.

"If you are to give your consent, I can instigate a mind meld."

"I wouldn't submit you to this." I sniffed through tears.

"I believe given my extensive following of logic for more than two decades that I am able to repress the sporadic emotions far better than you are given the fragility of your human mind."

A statement that would normally threaten to spur on more irrational anger, but… not this time. I was too tired to even ask about anything else. I simply nodded and wrapped my arm cross his waist.

With his hand he gently coaxed my face out from his chest and after turning myself to face him, he gently brushed his fingers against my cheek and once his fingers found the proper points there was an intense wave of calm.

I closed my eyes and relished in the warm, gentle feeling of him racing through my mind.

As the sadness went away and all I could feel was calmness throughout my body, I ran my hand up his arm and wrapped my hand around his wrist almost begging him not to break contact. I hadn't felt this calm in months.

My head felt heavy, my eyes closed, and before I knew it, I felt my head fall against his chest and sleep… precious sleep finally overwhelmed me.


	6. Cravings

The fifth month of pregnancy brought a rather enjoyable side effect: cravings. After Hyperemesis robbed me of 10% of my body weight, I was more than happy to welcome the foreign feeling of hunger. According to both the Vulcan and Human doctor, these cravings could last anywhere between two months or until the end of the pregnancy.

The human doctor warned that the cravings would likely be "stronger" than that of a standard human pregnancy, but I brushed it off, thinking that I could manage them. Boy, was I wrong!

Being practically a vegan society, the planet Vulcan possessed VERY little animal products and when the cravings hit and my body demanded any and all animal products under the sun, Sarek was quick to order all of the animal products that Vulcan possessed to fulfill my cravings.

At first, it was manageable. We had ordered everything animal product Vulcan possessed from cheese crackers, ice cream, beef, pork, chicken, and even oven-baked meat pies. Everything seemed fine, but it was not until the beginning of my sixth month of pregnancy that we hit a problem. The shipping company that supplied the resources to Vulcan and other Federation planets went on strike and no products would be shipped to Vulcan for the next six months.

"What do you mean the shipping company won't be able to ship my order?!" I exclaimed over the phone.

"Madam," The human male politely spoke over the phone "Due to the recent changes in wages in the European Union, the employees of manufacturing company have gone on strike."

"For six months?!"

Taking a deep breath, I calmed down, attempting to speak rationally through my elevated heartrate and forming tears. "Look, I'm pregnant and living on Vulcan where there are no meat products, do you know of any other distribution that can help me out?"

"I'm sorry madam, I do not know of any other companies. Would you like me to cancel your order?"

I sighed in defeat, "Yes please. Thank you."

After I ended the call, I took a moment to properly calm my erratic emotions. After crying and cursing for a total of 15 minutes, I was finally able to conclude, rationally, that I could manage. I thought that if I portioned the remaining pies, ice cream, and individualized meat products that I could survive until the intense cravings subsided, but there was a problem.

I was unable to control the amount I was eating and within three weeks I had consumed every one of the animal products that I had. I sat on the floor in front of the open refrigeration unit one late night crying into the last two bites of full fat chocolate ice cream. I shoved the last two bites into my mouth before laying down on the kitchen floor continuing to cry more hot tears as I clutched the empty tub of ice cream feeling as though I had lost a best friend.

Sarek told me the following morning, that since there was no way to order any of my desired items that I would have to eat the non-animal products available to Vulcan. I agreed and as my stomach growled angrily in anticipation of breakfast I took my seat at the table as the servant placed a bowl of freshly prepared Plomeek soup in front of me.

While Sarek immediately began eating beside of me I could not help but feel sad. I yearned for a beef and onion pie. I yearned for ice cream, ooh… beef and onion pie WITH ice cream. Oooooh, but vanilla ice cream. Chocolate and beef just sounded bad.

The more I smelled the Plomeek soup, the more my stomach began to turn and I soon came to the realization that I was going to be unable to eat the soup and the moving child inside my belly only made the nausea worse.

"Sarek," I drew in a deep breath. "I don't think I can eat this"

"The servants made the vegetarian substitute that you requested, is it not to your satisfaction?"

"It's not that." I started to take several deep breaths, "I don't think the baby wants-"

"Do you wish for Barkaya marak?"

Just the mention of the food sent me overboard. Before I could move, vomit spewed from my mouth and all over my husband's lap. After a moment he rested his hand gently on my back until the heaving concluded. I stood up from my hunched position and accepted the glass of water he offered in his free hand,

"I think the baby wants only beef and onion pie and ice cream." I said, before my stomach growled loudly once more.


	7. Weight Gain

After my parents brought thirty kilos of animal products during their surprise visit, my appetite shot through the roof. I knew I was eating a lot, but it was when I opened the refrigeration unit one morning that I realized exactly how much I was eating. Out of the fifty chicken thighs and steaks brought only twenty remained and perhaps most frightening of all out of the forty individual meat pies my mother and father brought, only fourteen remained.

My forming sadness immediately dissipated when I saw the leftover pancakes on the second shelf. "Ah, Pfannkucken!" Ah, pancakes.

Popping them in the replicator, I turned on the heating setting and happily made a cup of breakfast tea while I waited for the pancakes to heat up. I was not going to let anything ruin this day, as today was my first day back at work in almost a month.

While I had reluctantly become a homebody during the last month, I was growing more and more keen to return to work, to see my colleagues, and the children. However, I was even more excited to get out of my robe and into some actual clothes. Oh, how I missed the soft fabric of the Vulcan tunics and trousers.

After breakfast, I happily hummed in the shower, already beginning making a list of all the things needed to be done before the students started classes began at eight in the morning. After deciding on an elegant getup, I made my way to the wardrobe and upon opening it I could not help but stare at all the long tunics and trousers. I had forgotten how beautiful and soft they were, how could I possibly choose just one? It was my first day back, I knew I had to make a good impression.

Settling on a light blue option, the tunic just fit over my growing belly, pinching at the sides and bump itself. I slipped my legs into the trousers, but as I began to pull them up over my thighs, something did not feel right. They felt incredibly tight.

"Hmm.. what the-"

They would not go past my upper thighs. I tugged hard upwards when suddenly, a loud rip echoed through the wardrobe. My eyes widened in fear, as a draft of cool air blew into the rip and onto the back of my thighs. I closed my eyes, exhaling loudly. As dread radiated through my body, I simply said,

"Shit."

I pulled the trousers down and after confirming the huge rip up the buttocks and thigh area I threw them out of the wardrobe. Taking out a dark brown pair, I slipped my legs in but as I pulled them over my thighs the same rip echoed through the wardrobe. After ripping the third pair of trousers, an overwhelming sadness overcame me, and by the fourth pair I was in tears.

Within ten minutes, I had tried to force all of the trousers I had owned onto my body, but after ripping my tenth and favorite pair of trousers, the sadness was replaced with pure rage, causing me to pull the remaining trousers and tunics off the hangers and throw them across the room in a blind rage.

When all that was left in my wardrobe was a rather hideous bright floral dress, and a pair of maternity jeans, both of which not Vulcan approved, the overwhelming sadness returned and suddenly I found myself on the floor in the pile of trousers and tunics crying uncontrollably onto the soft fabric.

I hadn't felt this bad about my body since I was in my teens, and it seemed as I grabbed a ripped pair of trousers from beside me that all the emotions I had fought and overcame many years prior came flooding back.

I was fat, and ugly, and perhaps worst of all I could not see how Sarek could possibly find me attractive. How could I not have noticed all this weight gain so quickly? I was so stupid!

When I wiped my eyes and cheeks from fresh and stale tears, I saw Sarek standing in the wardrobe doorway staring stoically at me.

"Nothing fits." I sniffed, wiping my cheeks. "I suppose T'Mara was right, I should have switched to maternity dresses sooner." Though I tried to laugh at my attempt to make myself feel better, the statement only made more uncontrollable tears fall down my cheeks. "You're going to have to go in without me." I finally managed, "Please tell Ambassador Sovol, I will work from home today."

He stared at me for what seemed like eternity. Saying nothing, he slowly walked into the wardrobe over to me and after another awkward moment of gawking, said flatly "I shall return later tonight", before leaving the room. A statement that only made more tears fall. He was never home. He was never here. I missed him. I missed him so much.

When I heard the main door shut, I lifted a pair of ripped trousers up to my face and wiped more tears from my cheeks and eyes. Suddenly my cat, Ambassador, appeared in the doorway. Walking through the pile of clothes he sat in my lap and rubbed his head against my bump before reaching up and began to lick my salty cheeks.

Finding one of Sarek white undershirts in his wardrobe, I slipped it on along with the pair of maternity jeans and wrapped my long robe around my body. Opening the bedroom door, I made my way to my office followed closely by my cat, Ambassador and our Sehlat I'Chaya.

Ambassador hopped up on my lap and refused to move, while I'Chaya laid by the side. My heart warmed as I scratched the head of the chubby red Tabby that sat in my lap. He always made things better.

"Eating disorder thoughts, they never really go, do they?"

Reaching up, Ambassador propped himself on my bump and lick my nose. "Are you trying to tell me I'm still beautiful?" Something wet brushed against my toes, looking down I'Chaya began to gently lick my toes. "How can I argue with you two?" I smiled.

"Amanda?" I heard Sarek call.

"In the kitchen, Sarek."

After hours of work, it was finally time for dinner. Putting down Ambassador and I'Chaya's dinner bowls, I turned towards the doorway. "What would you like for-"

My brows immediately contorted in a confused expression. Sarek was standing in the kitchen doorway holding two oversized shopping bags, one in each hand.

"What are those?"

Saying nothing, he simply extended his hands and motioned for me to take the bags. Surprised by the weight, I placed them on the counter beside me.

"Oh, is it the shepherd's pie? Did that company finally come off strike?"

Reaching into the bags, my fingers caressed something soft and as I pulled out an elegant, long, purple gown from the bag I gasped in amazement. "You…you got me new clothing?" I uttered in disbelief.

When he remained silent and continued to replicate two bowls of soup, I pulled out a second and third dress, each made with the same soft and accommodating fabric.

"I hope you find them acceptable." Sarek finally spoke, "The worker suggested that dresses would be more suitable than trousers given your condition."

The sweet gesture brought tears of happiness in my eyes as I caress the soft fabric between my fingers. At the bottom of the first bag laid a folded silk nightgown with elastic sides and a neatly folded bra with clips seemingly opening the bra cups. When my brow rose in confusion, Sarek explained that

"The worker suggested this female brassiere for your condition."

The second bag contained two pairs of ballet flats, and three more dresses. I looked at him, managing a small smile in the mists of falling tears of happiness, and gratitude.

"Has my gesture saddened you?" he asked flatly.

Stepping forward, I wrapped my arms around him and into an embrace. "No" I whispered, wiping my cheeks. "These are happy tears. They are beautiful, Sarek. Thank you."

"And you are also beautiful, Amanda."

While my heart momentarily froze in shock at his words, the natural, and beautiful statement that came from his lips made more tears of happiness fall down my cheeks.

"Thank you." I whispered. "More than you'll ever know."


	8. Nightmares

Nightmares.

I was normally excited when asked to give lectures at the University of Shi'Kahr, but on this occasion I really was not feeling it. With a dry mouth, the taste of bile in the back of my mouth and crippling nausea I was seriously considering cancelling.

As I slipped my almost eight-month pregnant body into a loose blue maternity dress, I sprayed myself with another dose of anti-nausea medicine, swallowed my pain and emerged from the house into the hot Vulcan sun donning sunglasses, a headscarf and an umbrella to shield my sensitive skin from the intense ultraviolet rays.

I slipped in the back of the hovercar sighing in relief as the cool temperature greeted me. Unusually for Sarek, he insisted on joining me on this occasion and slipped in the back seat beside me, handing me another hydro spray.

"For the climate." he said flatly.

I took the spray as the hovercar lifted from the ground. Placing the device in the crook of my neck, I injected the spray and placed the empty device in my dress pocket. I pressed the Thermos of cold water up to my lips, taking several small sips trying to parch my dry mouth.

_Just two hours,_ I told myself. _Just two hours and then you can go back to bed._

"Do you possess your notes?" Sarek asked.

"Yes." I said simply, but the thought of reviewing them in a moving car threatened my stomach to release the water I had just ingested.

It was a silent ten-minute ride to the University of Shi'Kahr. I took my notes from my pocket as we were ushered through the front door by security. While I had expected to be greeted by the Dean what I was greeted with was the exact opposite.

A sea of sweating humans suddenly surrounded me with cameras, flashes, old- fashioned microphones and recording devices in my face.

"Amanda, Amanda. How far along are you?" one woman asked.

Earth was very fascinated with my pregnancy.

"Amanda, do you know the gender?" another woman asked.

"Would you like to care to comment on the purpose of your lecture?"

"Amanda?"

"Amanda!"

"Mrs. Sarek!"

"Mrs. Sarek?"

Sarek grabbed my arm and pushed us pass the sea of cameras through a side door, and before I knew it, I was on stage, behind a waist-high lectern in front of the student committee.

How did I get here so fast?

While many stoic faces and pointed ears stared at me, people of blue and green skin were also in attendance. A fact that made me give a small smile.

I looked to the side, seeing Sarek standing just behind the curtains. He gave a small nod and I looked down at the podium where my notes rested under my crossed hands and began,

"It is a pity that with all of the technological and special advances that we have made over these many centuries that sexual assault on campus, as well as in the workplace is still a prevalent thing. I am here today to speak with you about…"

In my peripheral vision I saw someone begin to walk down the aisle from the middle of the room. I took a breath and had an odd feeling in my stomach. When I glanced up and saw a young man in a black cloak walking up the crowd, I shot my head back down and kept my eyes plastered on my notes.

"The new safe zones, people you can talk to, and lastly consequences for the perpetrators. We have been working on implementing these rules for a while now and-"

"Get down!"

But before I could look up, the sound of a phaser went off and then a sharp pain hit me in the chest. When I looked down, blood began to pour out of a large section from my chest soaking through the blue fabric. My vision became blurry and suddenly my body went limp and I was on the floor. I gasped for breath, struggling to get a lung full of air.

Sarek fell to his knees and lifted me up and into his arms. I stared into his eyes, suddenly feeling very cold as a sharp pain ran through my belly and something warm began to pour out between my legs.

Sarek placed his hand my chest. He pushed hard applying pressure. I could feel his panic as I tried to maintain my emotions, but tears squeezed out of my clenched shut eyes, and I could not control the whimpers of pain that left me.

"Do not worry." he told me, his fear pouring through our bond. "You will live."

I looked up at him and shook my head beginning to shake from cold. I knew I was going to die.

"Medical!" he yelled. "Medical!"

I squeezed his arm as it pressed harder against my chest. My vision blurred, my grip loosened, sleep- I needed to sleep.

"Amanda!" I heard him yell, his blood-stained hand suddenly on the side of my face. "Amanda, stay awake! Aduna!"

"I love you." I mumbled, before letting the peaceful sleep overwhelm me.

* * *

He shot up from bed. Sweat pouring down his face, his heart beating rapidly. He clenched his chest at the pain that lingered from the phaser.

He immediately turned to the side. A wave of relief washed over him to see his heavily pregnant wife sleeping peacefully beside him.

It had been two days since Sarek began intercepting Amanda's nightmares. He sensed her stress and pain each night as she woke distressed from one nightmare after another, he thought that with years of logic training he could handle it better than she could.

He could handle the nightmares of early labour she spoke of, or the thought of the child inside her coming into the world looking like a deformed alien from another dimension, but her dying… being assassinated, that was something Sarek was not prepared for.

His hands shook with fear, as he drew in an audible breath and closed his eyes laying his head back against the headboard of their bed. He pushed the image of blood pouring out of her chest out of his mind, repressed his fear and began a healing trance.

"Sarek?" Amanda called lightly.

He opened his eyes. The bright sun through the open curtains told him that he had been in a trance for hours now and the sight of Amanda in her work dress working a pair of earrings through her ears told him that it was time to start the day.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"You experienced a rather traumatic nightmare last night." Sarek said flatly, lifting the covers up and over his legs, he rose to his feet.

"Did I lose him again?" Amanda asked, placing her hands protectively over her eighth month bump.

The image of Amanda crying in his arms suddenly ran through his mind. He held her tightly in his arms, his words muted as he pressed his hand into against the wound desperate to stop the bleeding. He looked down, his nose picking up on a peculiar smell. The fabric covering her legs wet with amniotic fluid.

When he felt her poke at his conscious, he drew in a low breath and repressed the horrid image.

"No." he managed, after a moment.

"Well, that's a change." she said sarcastically, "They must be getting better then." She grabbed her purple headscarf and wrapped it over her head.

"Indeed," Sarek said simply, "they are."

~*The End*~


End file.
